What Pisses Me Off About Fraternity & Sorority

Yesterday I sat in a 1:1 meeting with my supervisor and she asked me a few simple questions:

1. Are you willing, able, and motivated to continue to move the agenda forward in Sorority & Fraternity Life at the University of Tennessee?
2. What is your attitude in how it relates to you and your work?
3. How does your role contribute to the successes of the Office of Sorority & Fraternity Life and the Division of Student Life?

To be completely honest, I struggled in being able to have a positive answer to those questions.  Because sometimes I honestly wonder if we make any kind of impact.  I wonder if the time that we spend implementing leadership theories into retreats, composing assessment for diversity programming, coordinating educational workshops and programs, having 1:1 conversations with students actually means anything to them.  During our conversation I had to mentally force myself to think about the positives and look at how I'm contributing to the success of our students.

Then I read Jess's blog A Message for Fraternity/Sorority Professionals Before #AFAAM and it came at the perfect time.  Thank goodness, I'm not the only one that feels this way.  Thank goodness I'm not the only one that's pissed off.  Thank goodness that there are other people that are concerned about our future.

What pisses me off is that I don't think our students fully grasp the power that they have within their organizations and themselves.  What pisses me off is that we spend most of our time and money on selling an ideal image during recruitment that doesn't get lived up to during the rest of the year.  What pisses me off is that entire chapters will show up to a Wednesday night date party, yet it's pulling teeth to get 5 to show up for a community service event.  I'm pissed off that my women glorify blacking out from alcohol and seem to think it's a right of passage when they turn 21.  I'm so upset that we have to beg members to take leadership positions in our chapters.  I hate that my members can talk all about the gossip they hear from all the other chapters on campus, yet they can't walk into their formal chapter meeting and recite their ritual.  I hate that we have to threaten fines and standards meetings just to get people to show up for chapter events and that things that we should just do out of the goodness of our hearts, like donating to food drives, have to provide point incentives. I hate that the only way we can get members to participate in anything is to turn it into a competition.  I despise that I have to listen to people complain that our community has the negative stereotypes because all the media does is focus on the bad, yet every other week when our office asks each chapter for their positive news to be able to promote it, we hear nothing.  I'm sickened that our members know about hazing and other things that go on and stand beside and allow it to happen.  I loathe the fact that we have alumni that encourage poor behavior and use their lawyering skills to get their chapters out of trouble instead of holding them accountable for their actions. 

Why do these things piss me off?  Because we're better than that.  We took oaths promising to be better than that.  We were founded to empower, lift up, and make men and women better people.  To provide members with guiding principles and values that contribute to our campuses, local community, and society as a whole.  That 150, 100, 25 years ago, our founders created something so that they had a platform to be able to fight and advocate for what they believed in, and we've turned it into a social drinking club.

After being able to read Jess's blog and reflect, instead of feeling bad that I was frustrated, now I think it's a good thing.  I think I'm supposed to feel this way.  I'm supposed to be pissed off.  If I wasn't pissed off, I wouldn't push my students for change.  Is it fun to feel pissed off?  No, not really, but that feeling when combined with just a few energized student leaders leads the way to feeling passionate and motivated.  Gathering together other pissed off sorority & fraternity professionals can lead to collective action where we force the tough conversations to be had.  We've created this reality for ourselves.  It didn't just happen by accident.  So what are we going to do to change it?  We all have the responsibility to do it.  We can sit here and blame university administration, governing councils, or legislation, but in reality, it's our individual members that have the power.  

I don't have a lot of push or pull when it comes to changing the big picture of the fraternity and sorority world, but there are things that I can do here at the University of Tennessee.  And I'm accepting that responsibility with gusto.  I hope my students read this.  I hope they see that I'm pissed off and why.  And I hope that it pisses them off too.  Pisses them off to the point where they stop sitting back and just letting things happen as they always have.

So what are you gonna do?  Are you going to get pissed off?

The Bod Pod

Several women that serve on the board of directors for Girls on the Run with me were talking about the "bod pod" during a meeting we had the other week.  Color me intrigued.  Since losing 150+ pounds, I really had no idea what the make-up of my body was.  I had no idea what was fat, what was muscle, what was skin, etc., so when I heard about the bod pod, I definitely wanted to check it out.

The Bod Pod

This particular Bod Pod was at Eddie's Health Shoppe and at first I was a little sketched out, but when more than one woman told me that they had really benefitted from the experience, I figured it couldn't hurt to go through with the test.  As women, we focus so much on the number that shows up on the scale, or what size clothes we wear, and it can get really frustrating to feel like you're working so hard and nothing is changing.  What the Bod Pod does is measure the actual makeup of your body, so it goes beyond just your weight number and tells you what that number is made up of.  When I first walked in, I was a little intimidated.  I felt like I was getting ready to go off in a space ship or something.  But the tests were fairly simple and the whole thing lasted less than 3 minutes.  They ran a series of 3 tests, each one lasting around 40 seconds and I didn't really feel anything while sitting in the Bod Pod.  The technician described it to me as like being on an airplane with the air compression, but I think that airplanes are actually worse than this.  But of course, the test means nothing without understanding the numbers that come from the results, and that was the best part of this whole experience.  Eddie schedules around an hour to sit and talk through the numbers with you and make suggestions for nutrition and exercise, but he actually sat there and talked with me for almost an hour and half.  So here's what my numbers looked like -

When I first saw the weight number, I immediately did what all women do and was ashamed because I thought it was so high.  Society tells us that as women, what's acceptable is between 120-150 pounds, so of course 198 was way too high, never mind the fact that I've lost 150+ pounds (and yes, I've never actually admitted my starting weight to anyone publicly, but if you're smart enough and can do that math, I topped out at 350+ pounds). When the technician handed me the results, I was fully prepared for her to shame me with that high number, but was totally taken aback when she told me that my results were very good.  I'll explain.  If you look at the left hand column, you'll see that 26.6% of that 198 pounds is fat, while 73.4% is lean mass (which you can read is everything except the fat like muscle, bone, organs, etc.).  When Eddie came in and walked through the numbers with me, he says for my age and my height, I currently am in the top 12% of women for my lean mass percentage.  WHAT?!?!?!  I could barely wrap my head around it.  I kept going back to "but my weight is still so high" and he kept having to tell me that didn't matter, my weight was perfectly fine and that some of that weight is most likely the skin that is left over from my weight loss.

Then we took at look at my resting heart rate, which you can see circled in the bottom left hand corner.  I burn 1,802 calories just by sleeping and that doesn't take into account any exercise that I do.  Eddie explained that if I haven't been losing any additional weight (which I haven't for over the past year), that it's most likely because I'm not eating enough calories to counter the amount of calories that I'm burning, so my body is constantly holding on to whatever calories I have so that it doesn't go into starvation mode, especially now that I'm in training for the half marathon and am running longer and longer distances.

Who would have thought that I would be told that I'm not eating enough?  Of course, here's the thing.  That doesn't mean that I get to go back to eating double cheeseburgers and fries (damnit) and Eddie spent the rest of the session walking through exactly what my food intake should look like in order to reach a 16 week goal, which you can see in the top right hand corner of the second picture.  My goal is to lose an additional 14 pounds of fat and potentially 2 pounds of lean mass (which could just be skin or additional water) within 16 weeks.  If I'm able to achieve that goal, that will take me down to around 22% fat mass, which puts me in the "lean" category.  Again, WHAT?!?!  Never, ever, ever in my entire lifetime did I ever think that someone would describe me as lean.  Maybe not obese, but never lean.

Now the hard part begins.  Eddie spelled out a pretty specific diet for me, and I'm very slightly nervous in my ability to maintain it.  While obviously my eating hasn't been horrible as I have been able to lose weight, I've never really restricted myself or been super specific in what I was eating, I've just tried to be careful.  And the thing that scares me the most is that I'm starting this during my four busiest months, when I'm traveling a lot and am going to be in places and situations where I can't necessarily control what I'm eating.  And I actually have to learn how to meal prep.  I've always admired those people that do that, but now I actually have to figure out how to do it for myself.  And forget the random lunches out or the drinks after work.  But how awesome will it be if I can do this?  And especially because I would be ending the 16 weeks right around the time of the half marathon.  Just imagine what this could do for accomplishing that goal.

So I've planned out the next several days of meals, and after I publish this blog post I'm off to the grocery store to get started.  Wish me luck!

Does it ever get any easier?

It would not be a good day if the history of my Google searches was to ever be released to the public.  I tend to ask Google some interesting questions.  The other day I actually asked Google if running ever got any easier and the responses I got were encouraging.  Many of the articles that popped up stated, “Absolutely it will get easier!  Just keep going!”  Helpful, right?

Not really.  Even though the “experts” were telling me that running gets easier, I’m inclined to disagree with them. Sure, I’m not the most dedicated nor consistent runner, but I believe that I’ve run enough to be able to answer this question;

No, it doesn’t get any easier.  In fact, it gets harder.

Now before you go all, “stop being so negative Jennifer”, let me explain.  The running itself never changes. It gets harder because you place more responsibility and expectation on yourself.  You increase your mileage or your speed; you decide to take on bigger hills or interval running; that previous thought that a half-marathon would never be possible is now actually something that seems achievable.  What’s easy is giving up.  What’s easy is thinking, “Man, I’m so comfortable in my pajamas and it looks so hot outside, so I’m just going to stay here.”

I’m a little over a month into my half-marathon training journey and I’ve found it to be one of the most difficult things I’ve done for several reasons;

•           The schedule – Consistency is the king of training and following a set schedule is imperative.  It’s amazing how quickly you lose your ability to run just by missing a couple of your training days.  Anyone who has worked in student affairs knows that we don’t have a normal schedule, so trying to maintain a training schedule with my work schedule has been incredibly challenging. And the longer the long-runs get, the more time you have to dedicate to that run on that scheduled day.  My social calendar is now starting to revolve around my running schedule in my attempt to try and make sure I get the long run in (and that I made good choices the night before).  And thankfully the weather is starting to cool because having to get up at 7:00am on a Saturday to try and get the run in before the temperature heats up just flat out blows.  I'm jealous of the morning people who can get up at 5:00am and get their run in first thing.  I've tried to be that person.  Never gonna happen.
•        The diet – When I starting thinking about training I read a lot about how people would complain about gaining weight during training and that was mostly because the increased activity and mileage made people hungrier and they justified eating certain things with the increased mileage.  Those that know me know that’s the last thing in the world that I want, so I’ve been trying to be very diligent with my diet and eating things that will both fill me up and fuel me for runs.  Definitely a lot harder than you'd think. 
•       Balancing speed & distance:  As I run more often and more consistently, I have found myself being able run faster and longer.  However, those don’t go together very well.  The faster my pace, the shorter distance I can go.  And the longer I go, the slower pace I go.  I’m not doing this for a specific finish time, but it can be incredibly disheartening to look down and see that you’re actually decreasing in your pace time, no matter how often you tell yourself that time doesn’t matter, it’s the finishing that counts.

But here’s some good news.

No, it doesn’t get any easier, but you get stronger.

Physically and mentally you get stronger, but it’s been the mental strength that keeps me going.  When my legs are physically tired, it’s my mental strength that tells me, “it’s okay to walk for just a minute, but then you need to get running again”.  It’s my mental strength that says, “Yes, it sucks to go home after a 12-hour day and have to fit a run in, but you have to do it”.  Poor food choices will always be there, but by flexing my “willpower muscle”, I remind myself of why I need to make the better choice. 

Running is never going to get any easier, but I will continue to get stronger and that’s what matters in the end.

Inspiration after a Tough Run

Friday night I got the wonderful fortune of a surprise visit from my friend Mindy who was in town to run an 18-mile race in Oak Ridge.  Sitting there at dinner and talking with her, I was reminded of all of the people that I've known over the years who have sworn they would never run a 5k, let alone anything further than that.  Yet now, years later, they are out there kicking butt and taking names.

The past two weeks have been super tough with my training.  Recruitment kicked my butt and threw me way off my training schedule.  Every year I always think that it's going to be different, that I'm going to eat healthy and still get my workouts in, but then the first sleepless night happens and all the sudden the only thing that keeps me awake and going is eating all the junk food that's around and counting down the minutes until I can take a nap.

I went for my first post-recruitment run the other day and it was the text book definition of a bad run. I couldn't even make it half a mile before I needed to stop and walk.  My legs felt like lead, I was getting stitches in my side, and I was having a difficult time breathing.  I tried all the tricks I knew - deep breathing in through my nose and out my mouth, speeding up for a minute to make the slower pace seem easier, correcting my posture, everything.  None of it worked.  Every half mile or so I would have to walk.  I finally stopped after 2 miles and lost it.  Started crying, having all kinds of anxiety and worry.  How in the world was I going to be able to run 13 miles if I couldn't even get past 1?

Then dinner with Mindy reminded me that we all have to start somewhere and we all have ups and downs throughout the training process.  We all have bad runs and we all have times when we doubt ourselves and our ability to keep going when it gets hard.  But being able to come back from those bad runs and those hard times are the times that we show ourselves our worth and prove to ourselves that we are more than just one bad run.  Today's run, while still tough, was 10 times better.  So this post goes out to all my peeps who keep going despite the bad runs, especially those that once claimed they would never even consider being a runner.  Funny how times change, right?

Fundraising Update: I'm almost halfway to my goal!  My short term goal is to hit that 50% by October, so keep donating!  Every little bit helps!  https://www.raceplanner.com/donate/Jennifer-s-on-the-Run

My Half-Marathon Decision

I was talking on the phone with my good friend Lauren the other night and she made the comment to me about how she remembered me once saying that I would never do a half marathon, that I had no desire to do anything past a 5K.

The moment I realized that I could complete a half marathon, and actually wanted to try, was this past March.  My boyfriend was running in the annual Knoxville marathon and I was also running that same day in the 5K.  Being that it takes like a 1/6th of the time for me to finish the 5K compared to his marathon, I had some time to do some sitting, reflecting, and watching.  Maybe it was the fact that I had just completed my fastest 5K, or maybe it was the rush of adrenaline combined with the Starbucks coffee I picked up after the race, but as I sat in Neyland Stadium waiting for him to cross the finish line, I found myself drawn to the people finishing the other races.  I watched people of all shapes, sizes, and ages complete the half marathon and they looked so excited, so proud of themselves.  And as I sat there watching them and reflecting on all of the things that I have accomplished, I knew that completing a half marathon was something that wasn't completely out of my league like I had always thought.  I had always envisioned people that ran half and full marathons as your typical runner - tall, lean, thin.  But some of these people crossing the finish line didn't look like that.  They looked like me.  Some older, some shorter, some heavier, some thinner.  I think that's what I appreciate about running.  It doesn't have anything to do with other people.  It's all about you.  It's all about finishing something that once seemed so impossible.

Wearing glasses becomes a safety hazard when running in the rain!

Trust me, completing this half marathon still seems so far away.  Even though it's not until February, I've already started training.  I wanted to give myself plenty of time and allow some additional weeks as padding in case life got crazy (such as UT recruitment week!) and threw me off my training schedule.  I've completed two weeks, and so far it's going as well as can be expected.  For my long runs, I'm using the run/walk method.  For anyone that's interested, Disney has free training plans describing the run/walk method by Jeff Galloway here.  It was definitely different.  I find myself going a much faster pace than normal during the running intervals, so by the 2 mile mark I start to get pretty tired.  Learning to pace myself with the intervals will be something I need to focus on during this training.  And how you people that run 9 minute miles for long distances do it, I'll never know.  But it was pretty fun to look down and see that I was going that fast, even if it was just for 2 minutes.

I'm looking forward to the next couple weeks as I increase my mileage.  I've previously done an 8K (which is 5 miles), but that's the furthest I've gone.  I've signed up for a 10K (6.2 miles) in Nashville on Halloween and that will be a good halfway point to make sure that I'm where I should be in terms of training for 13.1 miles.

Thank you so much to those that have already donated to my fundraiser and are supporting me with this race.  I'm so amazed at how quickly people jumped on board.  People I haven't spoken to in years have been contacting me and donating to the cause.  I appreciate it all.  I hope to meet half of my goal by October, so don't stop contributing, as every little bit helps!  Jennifer's on the Run Fundraiser

Happy Running!

This Girl's on the Run

I hate running.  Let me rephrase that - Running as an exercise is not my first choice.  I've found that I enjoy participating in fitness classes much more.  Running, however, saved my life.  It was the decision to do a 5k four years and 150 pounds ago that made me start becoming physically active and gain the confidence and the motivation to try other things and may have literally saved my life.

I recently made two big decisions.  One, was to sign up for the Disney Princess Half Marathon and the other was to join the Board of Directors for Girls on the Run of Greater Knoxville.  Both decisions have already profoundly impacted my life.  I've taken on lots of various volunteer roles in my life, but in the short time that I've been involved with Girls on the Run, I can honestly say that I've never been as excited and as passionate about supporting and being a part of something as I am with this program.

If you don't know what Girls on the Run is, here's a brief overview.  Girls on the Run is an international program that is a transformational physical activity based youth development program for girls in the 3rd-8th grades.  It teaches life skills through dynamic interactive lessons and runnings games.  The program culminates with the girls being physically and emotionally prepared to complete a celebratory 5k running event.  The goal of the program is to unleash confidence through accomplishment while establishing a lifetime appreciation of health and fitness.  You can learn more about the programs offered by visiting http://www.gotrknoxville.org/ or http://www.girlsontherun.org/. 

As I prepare for this first half marathon, I will be updating everyone on my progress and giving everyone more information about why it's so important to support and advocate for programs such as these.  I hope that all of my friends and family will both emotionally and financially (as much as you are able) support me in this endeavor.  My minimum fundraising goal is $500, but in trying to be punny, I would love to be able to raise $1,310.00 in honor of the 13.1 miles that I will be completing.

To donate, please visit www.raceplanner.com/donate/Jennifer-s-on-the-Run. I'm the first person to understand that money can be tight, so even a donation of $5 is so much appreciated.  Thank you all so much for allowing me to share this program with you all and I hope you look forward to hearing all about my journey!