Lessons Learned from a Week in Myobene, Senegal

One of the hardest things to deal with after returning from a trip like the one I just had to Senegal is knowing how to respond to the question of "how was your trip?"  As American culture dictates, this question is usually one that comes from a person's desire to want to exchange brief pleasantries with each other and they are not usually prepared to take the time to actually listen about the trip.  This leads the person answering (me in this case) to try and sum up the experience in three minutes or less so as to not 'inconvenience' the other person with a long story, which leads to cutting out much of what makes experiences like these so important.  Plus, recounting the same experiences over and over again can be simply exhausting, mentally and emotionally.  So as much for my sake as for yours, here is my extended answer to the "how was your trip" question.

There is no one emotion that comes to mind when I think about the seven days that I spent in Mboyene, Senegal.  Actually, all of the emotions were there at some point, often intertwining and mingling with others.  There was joy and sadness, inspiration and frustration, humbleness and gratefulness.  Taking a trip where you are completely forced out of your bubble and comfort zone is both incredibly eye-opening, yet also maddeningly difficult.  It's hard to know where to start when attempting to share all of these moments with those that were not there to experience it, yet for that exact reason, I know that it is my responsibility to share with those same people the lessons that I learned.

This being the second time that I have had the opportunity to visit Africa, several people have already asked how Senegal was different than Malawi.  Short answer is, it's a completely different country on the opposite side of the continent.  That would be like trying to answer how the United States and Mexico are different because they are both countries in North America.  They have just as many similarities as they do differences, so there's no one easy way to answer that.  I can, however, tell you that some of the assumptions that I had about Senegal ended up being correct, but just as many ended up being completely wrong.

Upon arriving in Dakar, we started our adventure staying the night at Hotel Marrakis in Mbour which sits literally right on the ocean.  We didn't get to see the ocean until the next morning since we had arrived at the hotel pretty late in the evening of our arrival.

Ocean view directly in front of Hotel Marrakis.

The first thing that I noticed was the trash.  As you may be able to tell from the picture, there was trash everywhere you looked.  On the beach, by the side of the road, sitting in large piles in front of people's homes - it was simply everywhere.  I've never been the kind of person who enjoys cleaning, but I had this overwhelming feeling of wanting to grab some gloves and a trash bag and just go to town.  The concept of "cleanliness" would return numerous times throughout the week, each time making me wonder, where did this feeling of "dirty is wrong, clean is right" come from?  So many times I wondered why they simply just didn't pick up the trash - I probably should have just asked the question instead of attempting to come to my own conclusions.

Members of the UTK Panhellenic Trek Team on the beach.

The sand that you see on the beach didn't stay at the beach - it followed us everywhere we went.  The entire terrain of our community was sand - there was no grass, no pavement or concrete, no rocks or pebbles, just straight up sand.  By the time we reached the community of Mboyene, we were at least 3 hours away from the beach, yet every step we took felt like those walks that you take through the powdery sand on vacation - a great workout for our calf muscles!  The dirt and dust was everywhere and from the moment we got there to the moment we left, I never truly felt 'clean'.  As soon as you would rinse off or wipe the dirt from your hands or feet, you were instantly covered again.  During the day on the worksite and interacting with community members during the cultural workshops I didn't even notice it, but as soon as I would return to our family's compound at night and empty the enormous amount of sand out of my shoes, I was desperate to feel clean.  Getting into bed each night knowing that despite my best attempts, there was still sand all over my feet was incredibly hard.  These feelings really put into perspective what we in America classify as being 'clean' and also make me feel incredibly grateful for the ability that we have to keep ourselves and our homes sand free.

My dancing skills at their best.

Entering the village of Mboyene for the Welcome Ceremony was a very special time.  It was hard for me to feel overly excited because I instantly was comparing it to the Welcome Ceremony in Malawi, which being that it was my first time experiencing Trek, is a truly special memory for me.  However being able to sit back and watch the student members of the Trek team have this experience for the first time was equally as special.  This time, I felt like I could watch and focus more on others than simply focusing on myself being that I had already been a Trek participant and knew a little more of what to expect.  I loved being able to see the students' joy and excitement and watch them as they were challenged and grew throughout the week.

Trek members dancing during Welcome Ceremony.

One of the absolute hardest parts about going on Trek is being opened up to so many new things and having the opportunity to see the "bigger picture" and then having to come home and deal with all of the "petty" stuff.  I made the mistake of turning on my email as soon as we had Wifi access in the Paris airport and immediately became angry and frustrated at some of the communication I had received while gone.  My immediate thoughts were, "don't these people get that this doesn't matter?!"  It's hard - my priorities and what I feel is "important" shifts during these experiences and I want to shake the people that don't see the bigger picture.  But I also know that those thoughts aren't exactly fair - they didn't experience Trek and what they perceive as "important" is a priority for them, just not for me at this current time.  It's difficult to try and navigate those feelings because I still do have a job to do and do need to respond to the little things.  But it's also my job to help people see why sometimes priorities need to shift and we need to spend a little less time worrying about the small things and a little more time focusing on the big things.

Trek and community members sign the Covenant.

During the Welcome Ceremony, members of the community and the Trek team sign a Covenant for buildOn.  The Covenant is an agreement between the members of the community and buildOn that we will all uphold certain expectations.  While skilled laborers from Senegal are hired and paid to do majority of the work on the school build, a certain amount of community volunteers are required to participate and to be invested in this process.  If the community volunteers don't show up, the school build does not progress.  There is also an agreement that an equal number of girls will be enrolled in the school as boys, making sure that the girls in the community have just as equal access to education as the boys.

Students hanging out in one of the two classrooms.

What's fun about this specific school build is that it is not this community's first.  In 2016, buildOn helped them to complete their first school build.  The past two years have seen a huge increase in school attendance and the classrooms quickly reached their capacity.  Two teachers daily instruct over 150 students, trying to navigate having multiple grades within the same classroom at the same time.  The community, now having direct experience with the importance of education, applied again to buildOn and because of the success they have had, was accepted for a second time for a classroom extension.  We had the opportunity to visit with students and one of the teachers one day and to say that they are thrilled to be receiving a second classroom building is an understatement.  

Trek members read a book with students

Promoting access to education, particularly for women and girls, and working with communities to remove barriers to education is the primary point of this Trek.  We, the Trek members, don't technically "build a school" during the few days we are there.  Together, with our financial gifts we are able to give, combined with the skilled knowledge of community laborers and the support and guidance from in-country buildOn staff and the countless volunteer hours from community members, we are able to build a school.  Together being the most important word.  

With two of our host sisters Rosalee and Kristin.

Each of us had the pleasure of living with a host family over the week.  I had the absolute fortune of living with Katie, our Circle of Sisterhood liaison for the week, and Sadio, who was one of our translators.  We really lucked out with having Sadio with us because we were able to have much more in depth conversations with our family during our down time.  While many of the other host families had several younger children and babies in their family, our brothers and sisters were all a little bit older.  Much of the time was spent with the four older teenage girls, which I absolutely loved.  Out of the four, three want to become doctors and one wants to become a fashion designer - which I could totally tell because of the outfits that she wore each day!  We talked with them several times about what kind of education that we had and what types of work that we did.  One of the primary questions that each of us was asked multiple times was whether we were married and had kids.  Out of the 17 females that made up our Trek group (with our buildOn counterparts included) not a single one of us was married or had kids.  The fact that I was 36 and had neither made me kind of feel like a unicorn in their eyes - something you imagine exists, but have never actually seen.  Women not getting married at the age of 16 (or at times even younger), is simply not part of how they live.  However when they asked me why I had chosen to not get married before now, I truly believe that they understood and respected my answers and did not pass judgement on those decisions.

My host brother, Bernard.

One of the most special people that I met in Mboyene was one of my host brothers, Bernard.  At first glance, Bernard shows the physical signs of Down Syndrome or another potential disability.  I asked about Bernard and was told that within the community, they didn't have official diagnoses like Down Syndrome and did not have any access to resources that would support Bernard is his education and everyday skill building.  When Bernard was little, his family attempted to put him into school, however his ability to keep up with the rest of the class and the teacher's ability to provide him with the necessary resources and support proved to be too challenging.  I immediately fell in love with Bernard.  His constant smile, his genuine heart, and his carefree attitude never failed to lift my spirits and made me genuinely excited to see him each day.  The love that his family showed to him was incredible and I have no doubt that despite the challenges that present themselves, Bernard will continue to grow up surrounded by love and acceptance.

Digging out the school foundation.

We were asked to think about the thing that we were most fearful of the first day that we were in the community and my honest answer was that I was fearful of the worksite and of my ability to give my all for 4 hours of manual labor for 3 days straight.  Ironically enough, the work site ended up being my absolute favorite part of the entire experience.  I joke when I say thank you to Orange Theory, but I honestly think that I was completely underestimating my physical abilities and was secretly super happy to surprise everyone, including myself, with my strength and endurance doing the hard work.  We performed a variety of tasks during our three days on the website, primary ones being the digging out of the foundation, making bricks, digging the latrines, moving supplies like water, stones, and dirt to make concrete among other things.  In comparison of the work I do on a daily basis, it was incredibly satisfying to see the products that result from your work right there in front of you.  Often times I wonder if what I do matters because you can't often see a simple "finished product", but with manual labor, it's obvious of whether you have succeeded at your job or not.  It's refreshing to not have to wonder.  I also loved having the ability to focus on a task and close my "thinking brain" off to everything else.  I now have a whole new appreciation for those that make a profession out of manual labor.

Just a portion of the bricks made during our time on the work site.

Representing Circle of Sisterhood in Senegal

Each day afternoon after the work site we would get to learn things about Senegal and the community during cultural workshops.  One day we got to learn how to make couscous, a second day we got to learn about the wrestling culture which is incredibly popular, and then the most impactful workshop for me was a 'Gender Talk' with women from the surrounding villages.  With our translators, we were able to ask questions back and forth of each other and learn more about how women live in both countries.  The hardest part about this for me was listening and not replying to some of the answers and conversations that we had.  People who know me well know that I like to challenge thought processes and enjoy asserting my opinion.  At one point, the question was asked of what would happen if the women chose not to do the "normal women's work", such as making their husband's lunch each day.  One woman replied that if her husband were to come home from working in the fields and lunch were not prepared, he would beat her.  She didn't make this statement to elicit sympathy from us, it was simply a matter of fact, how things are for her.  It took everything I had to not speak up and say "don't you know that's not okay?!" But in reality, if I were to tell her that his behavior was not okay, her starting from that point would only bring more challenges for her and her family.  Given the lack of education, women are not taught the skills to become independent from their husbands and earn an income to support themselves and their family.  That's why the cycle has to begin with education, not intervention.  Female empowerment and independence is a hugely important value for me, but sometimes getting to that point requires being able to see things from a different perspective.  The more educational opportunities that women can have, the more likely they are to be able to make decisions that are healthier in the long-run and as frustrating as that may be sometimes, it's the most effective and efficient way.

My roommates, Katie and Sadio, and I rocking our attire!

Our last day in Senegal our cultural workshop served as our Closing Ceremony - the time that we came together with our families and celebrated the last several days that we spent together.  We were informed in the morning that we would have a "surprise" from our families which ended out being that our families got to dress us in traditional Senegalese attire.  I have never seen women so excited (outside of maybe Panhellenic Bid Day).  The moment we stepped back into our family's compound, our host mom and sisters were swarming us giving us clothes, jewelry, and various other accessories, including their version of lingerie. So earlier when I said they literally gave us the clothes off their backs, this is that time.  I loved just how excited they were to share such an important part of their culture with us.  From the moment we landed in Senegal, I was in love with all of the bright colors and incredible fabric that the women wore on a daily basis.  I have so much respect for how much care they put into their daily dress - don't think I could manage it on a daily basis, but so thankful to have had the opportunity to do it for an afternoon!

Another frequent question I've gotten is "how was the food"?  Really, the food was incredible.  Definitely better than what we had in Malawi (thank goodness they don't eat Nsima in Senegal!) Community residents typically eat a vegetarian diet, so other than some eggs that were a part of some meals, we didn't get a whole lot of protein, but I honestly loved everything that we had.  I am incredibly grateful to our chef who worked tirelessly to make sure that we had three incredible meals a day!

A big staple of our meals was a rice, pasta, or potatoes, but what made each meal so interested was the vegetables, spices, and "flair" that were added to each meal.  We also had a mint tea that was served after lunch each day and I absolutely fell in love with it.  I've never been a big tea person, but I looked forward to that tea every day!



Here are a few of the big, important lessons that I am taking with me from this experience:

Inclusion and Nonjudgemental Acceptance
From the moment we stepped foot into the community of Mboyene, we were accepted wholeheartedly and without any conditions.  It continues to baffle me at how our families completely opened up their homes to us and literally gave us the clothes off their backs without knowing us or being able to communicate with us, yet here in America, we are building literal and figurative walls to keep people who are different from us out.  Majority of the residents were either Muslim or Christian, yet they made it a point to inform us that members of both religions lived in harmony, sometimes families having both religious ideologies living in the same communal space.  I did get into one political discussion with one of the buildOn staff members that is from Senegal and I admit that I did feel ashamed when they asked me why America was making some of the decisions that it is currently making.  I can't answer that question - I ask it daily myself.  But what I do know is the love and openness that I experienced in Senegal, I can't say that they would experience that same feeling should those same family members come here.  I sincerely hope I am wrong about that.

The fact that we didn't have mirrors, showers, or makeup the entire week was incredibly freeing.  I
stopped spending so much time worrying about what I looked like and how my appearance was being perceived by others.  It was refreshing to see how the women of Mboyene simply accepted themselves and each other for how they are and didn't place expectations on what someone should look like.  Dancing was a huge part of how they spent time together and celebrated together.  It took some time for us as Trek members to realize that we all look silly dancing - and that's what makes it fun!  Once we were able to get past our own self-consciousness and simply let loose, that made celebrating with the women so much better.  Being more accepting of ourselves and each other is a life lesson that I wish everyone would have the opportunity to learn.

Patience and Living in the Moment
My every day life consistently depends on the clock and that clock tells me what time that something should be happening.  In America, we live and die by our agendas, planners, and schedules.  I get incredibly irritated when things don't happen on time or when things take longer than I perceive that they should.  That concept simply did not exist in Myobene.  We would have a start time of 4:00pm for a cultural workshop and all of us would be there on time and ready to go, but then the actual event wouldn't begin until 5:30pm.  At first, it was maddening.  In one particular instance, I had stopped playing a board game with my host sisters because we were supposed to be somewhere and when that event didn't start until an hour and a half later, I just kept thinking about how had I known, I would have stayed and finished that game.  But as the week progressed and I became more accustomed to the flexibility in time, I realized just how freeing not feeling restricted to a timeframe can be.  Things started when they were ready to start.  Nothing felt forced or rushed or had to be cut off before it had reached it's natural ending point.  If people came after something had started, there was no shame put on them for "being late."  If people were waiting on something to begin, they took that time as an opportunity to socialize, to dance, to simply be with each other.  Just imagine how much more we may feel connected to each other if we didn't feel this constant need to be busy and be doing something all the time.

All the women on the work site.

Gratefulness
Over the past couple of months, I've been trying a simple daily journal of writing down three things that I'm grateful or thankful for and to be completely honest, there were days that I struggled to think of three things.  This trek reminded me of simply just how much I take for granted every single day.  Things like air conditioning when we couldn't sleep at night because we were so hot and sweaty, paved roads and sidewalks to walk on so that my shoes aren't full of sand each evening, my access to education (which looking back now realize just how much I took being able to get high school, undergraduate, and graduate degrees as easily as I did for granted) so that I can have not only a job, but a career that allows me to support myself and a paycheck that pays for more than simply rent and food, but also allows me to have outside interests, travel, and enjoy time with friends and family.  This type of perspective is something that I hope to continue to remind myself of daily.

The Power of Women
I have always believed in the power of women, but it's opportunities like these when you actually get to see strong, intelligent, compassionate, and empowered women come together that you realize just how vital women are to the success of our world.  I am incredibly grateful for the 12 students from UT that trusted me enough to travel across the globe and enter into an environment where we were torn away from every single comfort zone we have ever known.  It is through these challenges and stepping outside our daily lives that we are able to grow and learn.  It is our responsibility to bring those lessons back to our own community and share with them these lessons.  It is our duty to continue to be an active part of our communities and work with others to make this world a better place for every single person living in it, regardless of race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, political affiliation, etc.  I am so incredibly thankful for the opportunity that I had to get to know these women during our time in Senegal as each of them is truly a special individual and brings so many strengths with her.

Frankie, Abby, and Sadio with Flat Betsy.

There were some other special people on this trek with us, our buildOn support staff Frankie and our two translators, Abby and Sadio.  I seriously want to grow up to be just like Abby.  The challenges that she has overcome from growing up in a rural community in Senegal to moving to the city to go to college, learning fluent English, and then getting a job with buildOn working to provide educational access all across the country of Senegal is truly inspiring.  Add to that her spunkiness, her sarcastic humor, and her "take no shit" attitude make her feel like she is my twin sister, just born in completely different families and cultures.  All week Abby was obsessed with my Senegalese name, "Khemmes" (sounds like Hummus) and it just became a huge joke amongst all of us to constantly just say my name.  The most emotional I got while on this trip was when these three dropped us off at the airport and Abby said goodbye to me, teared up, and then immediately got back on the bus so that no one would see her cry.  I definitely did. (I also really hope Abby reads this and also that she sends me the pictures we took of the to of us on her phone!!)

True depiction of how Daniela and I looked every day.

I have come to believe that some people come into your life for a reason, and all of these women will always hold a special plate in my heart.  There is one special person though that I now know will forever have an impact on me.  Two years ago when we took our first trek to Malawi, Daniela was assigned as our Trek Coordinator.  We immediately bonded and it made me sad to think that I would probably never see her again after that trip.  Fast forward to a week before we were supposed to leave for Senegal and we were on the pre-trek call with another buildOn staff member.  When we signed up for a second trek, the first thing I did was ask if we could be assigned Daniela again.  I was told probably not because buildOn had reorganized how their staff assignments were structured and Daniela was now permanently living in Nicaragua and leading only those treks.  As fate would have it, right before our trek began, things shifted and we were told that Daniela would once again be our Trek Leader.  This week would not have been as special for me had Daniela not been there.  Her ability to love unconditionally, to instantly put people at ease, to recognize the good in every single person reminds me of how much good there is in the world.  Daniela, be warned that you are now a part of my tribe and I'm not really an easy person to get rid of.  Love you endlessly sister.

While I can never 100% relay what this experience was like, hopefully this blog provides some insight and can serve as a reminder of why the education and empowerment of women, forcing ourselves out of our comfort bubbles, and learning to live with and appreciate people that may be a little different from us are all such powerful things.  While I never imagined that I would be able to say that twice in my lifetime I've been to Africa, I also sincerely hope this is was not the last time.

"You have the worst legs I've ever seen." - Adventures in Mobility & Flexibility

Two weeks into my half-marathon training and unfortunately I've already been thrown off track.  I've always had large leg muscles - I can specifically remember a girl in 7th grade making fun of my calf muscles because of how big they were.  When I began working out several years ago, I simply accepted the charley horses and cramps that I believed just came along with working out.  Luckily, with some education about nutrition and fitness, I learned that not everyone constantly has muscle cramps from working out, so I began integrating some things into my routine that were helping to reduce the issues I was having.

Last year during my training for the Knoxville half-marathon, I began having some pain around my knee, which I figured out wasn't actually my knee, but the muscles around it that were pulling on it.  I went and saw a massage therapist, who after making some general comments about the tightness of my leg muscles, got me feeling back to normal before the race.  Since that race, I took a break from  running outside and started regularly attending OrangeTheory Fitness, which incorporates treadmill running, so I thought that it would be an easy transition to going back to training outdoors.

Little did I know.....

One week into training I knew something was wrong.  My legs, particularly my left leg, was just constantly cramping and really bothering me, particularly in my quads, IT band, and hamstring areas. I scheduled another massage appointment, thinking that it would be similar to the last time and that I could get back to training within the next day or so.  The moment the massage therapist touched my legs, he made the title comment:  "You have the worst legs I've ever seen."  He then proceeded to explain to me in detail what was going on in my leg muscles - golf-ball sized knots in my quad muscles and IT band and hamstrings that felt like gravel.  Apparently those are not things to be proud of and he was questioning how I even had the ability to work out with how tight my muscles were.  As one might expect, it wasn't as simple as a one massage fix.  I waited a couple of days and let my legs rest and tried to get back out there.  Immediate tightness and cramps again.

It's now been a week and a half since I've done any running or working out in general and to be completely honest, I'm terrified to try again.  I've been trying everything I can to figure out how to make this better - I've tried to rest as much as possible, I've signed up to get some more regular massages, I've been foam-rolling and stretching every single day, been taking additional magnesium supplements because that's supposed to help relax muscles and reduce tightness and cramps, and most recently signed up for some yin/restorative yoga sessions.  I've also gone as far as connecting with friends of mine that are physical therapists and chiropractors to talk about what my options were there.

So I'm doing all of this stuff, but none of it makes things better overnight and I am so nervous about how this is going to impact the rest of my training.  I'm afraid to get back out there and try again to only have the same thing happen.  I'm afraid to not keep training and let myself down and fail to meet this goal that I have.  I have a huge goal of raising $2,000 for Girls on the Run with this race and I'm terrified to not be able to meet that if I am not able to keep up my training and complete the race.  I'm afraid to get back out there when I'm not ready and seriously injure myself more than just tight muscles.  It's a constant thought at the forefront of my brain.

More than the fear however is the desire to want to accomplish something that I once thought impossible.  The hope that I can provide others with the opportunity to also realize the potential they have to change their lives and achieve their full potential.  The motivation I need to continue my health and wellness journey when things get hard.

I'm going to attempt an easy, short run this afternoon and see how I feel.  I'm praying that the preventive and restorative measures that I've put into place will help the tightness from immediately coming back.  If you feel like helping me to boost my motivation and reminding me about why I shouldn't be scared to get back out there, feel free to visit my fundraising page here - https://www.raceplanner.com/donate/Half-Crazy-for-GOTR-Greater-Knoxville

Also - any advice, suggestions, or recommendations for how to continue to reduce muscle tightness, I'm completely open to all of those!

My Daily Resolutions

I actually really enjoy this time of year - where people start doing some self-reflection and thinking about the ways that they want to personally improve and making goals for themselves.  People get a lot of grief for coming up with New Year's resolutions each year, but what are we doing in life if we aren't constantly re-evaulating what we are doing and working towards improvement?  Without that motivation of change, we would grow stagnant and complacent with everything and then we would never get to experience the joy and pride that comes with accomplishing something new.

Problem with resolutions isn't so much that people want to make a change, it's that they want to overhaul huge aspects of their lives that take time, patience, and planning and that's hard to do and even harder to maintain.  I know from personal experience.  I've had to learn the hard way that the goals and resolutions I set for myself can't be yearly goals - they have to be daily, hourly, sometimes minute by minute goals.

I haven't blogged or talked about my personal health journey in a while, so if you're new to the story, feel free to brush up by reading about my 150lb weight loss journey here.  It is going on almost 4 years since that original post, almost 7 since I began my health journey.  And just as I suspected in that previous blog post, my health and my weight is a daily, sometimes hourly, struggle.  Sometimes my goals for the day are to simply make it through the next meal without eating unhealthy.  My friend Marissa brought up the picture below on Facebook the other day.  Whenever I see what I used to be, it brings up so many emotions.  I feel shame, embarrassment, sadness, guilt, all of the negative emotions you can think of - but I also feel motivated and determined to never be that person again.

At a Festivus Party in 2010

I think why I love this time of year is because I feel like I'm not the only one in this place - I have thousands of companions in this fight to eat healthy, maintain a fitness routine, and develop a better overall relationship with my body and self.  Everything you see around you reminds you about your goals - tv commercials, gym ads, weight loss challenges, etc.  I think seeing it constantly keeps me motivated because it keeps it at the forefront of my mind.  While I may be annoyed by not being able to get into my favorite fitness class because all of the new resolution-people in the gym, I like that for a moment I can feel like a "normal" person because everyone is dieting and working out.

What's been the best thing about the goals and resolutions that I've made since that original weight loss, is that I've been able to achieve all of them while maintaining my overall weight loss.  For me, setting and working towards goals is the main thing that keeps me going.  When I'm not working towards something or don't have a motivating factor holding me accountable, I tend to get comfortable with the day-to-day routine and grow stagnant.

So, what are my health goals for 2018?  Thanks for asking!  While I'm still working all of them out, here are the ones that I've decided on so far....

Fitness

• Complete 5K in under 35 mins.
• Complete half-marathon in under 3 hours
• Increase mobility and flexibility (having lots of issues with tight leg muscles and muscle cramping)
• Additional stretching/foam rolling at least 3x's per week

Health/Weight

• Decrease body fat percentage by X% (I'll be able to put an exact number to that after getting measurements done the second week of January)
• Decrease intake of alcohol and sugar 

So those are my current goals - I think they are pretty attainable and I've got some good accountability pieces in place to keep me motivated.  Especially because my lovely partner JJ got me an awesome new Garmin watch for Christmas that I'm absolutely obsessed with and it tracks EVERYTHING and it's amazing.

Inputting my half-marathon training into my awesome new watch!

The biggest motivation for me right now is the half-marathon that I am training for in April.  This will be my 3rd and I can already tell, my best.  I've learned so much about my body and how to fuel it while training, so I have high hopes for making this one the best one yet.  And of course, serving as a SoleMate and ambassador for Girls on the Run of Greater Knoxville while doing so.  While I have always blogged to share my thoughts with others and add some accountability into my life, it will also serve to help educate those reading about Girls on the Run and to help meet one of my biggest goals of 2018 of raising $2,000 for this program.  If you're reading this, will you help me by being one of the first (or even actually the first!) people to donate to this goal?

https://www.raceplanner.com/donate/Half-Crazy-for-GOTR-Greater-Knoxville

Going to enjoy the rest of my rest day (no training today!) and celebrate all that 2017 brought into my life!  Happy New Years!

What Pisses Me Off About Fraternity & Sorority

Yesterday I sat in a 1:1 meeting with my supervisor and she asked me a few simple questions:

1. Are you willing, able, and motivated to continue to move the agenda forward in Sorority & Fraternity Life at the University of Tennessee?
2. What is your attitude in how it relates to you and your work?
3. How does your role contribute to the successes of the Office of Sorority & Fraternity Life and the Division of Student Life?

To be completely honest, I struggled in being able to have a positive answer to those questions.  Because sometimes I honestly wonder if we make any kind of impact.  I wonder if the time that we spend implementing leadership theories into retreats, composing assessment for diversity programming, coordinating educational workshops and programs, having 1:1 conversations with students actually means anything to them.  During our conversation I had to mentally force myself to think about the positives and look at how I'm contributing to the success of our students.

Then I read Jess's blog A Message for Fraternity/Sorority Professionals Before #AFAAM and it came at the perfect time.  Thank goodness, I'm not the only one that feels this way.  Thank goodness I'm not the only one that's pissed off.  Thank goodness that there are other people that are concerned about our future.

What pisses me off is that I don't think our students fully grasp the power that they have within their organizations and themselves.  What pisses me off is that we spend most of our time and money on selling an ideal image during recruitment that doesn't get lived up to during the rest of the year.  What pisses me off is that entire chapters will show up to a Wednesday night date party, yet it's pulling teeth to get 5 to show up for a community service event.  I'm pissed off that my women glorify blacking out from alcohol and seem to think it's a right of passage when they turn 21.  I'm so upset that we have to beg members to take leadership positions in our chapters.  I hate that my members can talk all about the gossip they hear from all the other chapters on campus, yet they can't walk into their formal chapter meeting and recite their ritual.  I hate that we have to threaten fines and standards meetings just to get people to show up for chapter events and that things that we should just do out of the goodness of our hearts, like donating to food drives, have to provide point incentives. I hate that the only way we can get members to participate in anything is to turn it into a competition.  I despise that I have to listen to people complain that our community has the negative stereotypes because all the media does is focus on the bad, yet every other week when our office asks each chapter for their positive news to be able to promote it, we hear nothing.  I'm sickened that our members know about hazing and other things that go on and stand beside and allow it to happen.  I loathe the fact that we have alumni that encourage poor behavior and use their lawyering skills to get their chapters out of trouble instead of holding them accountable for their actions. 

Why do these things piss me off?  Because we're better than that.  We took oaths promising to be better than that.  We were founded to empower, lift up, and make men and women better people.  To provide members with guiding principles and values that contribute to our campuses, local community, and society as a whole.  That 150, 100, 25 years ago, our founders created something so that they had a platform to be able to fight and advocate for what they believed in, and we've turned it into a social drinking club.

After being able to read Jess's blog and reflect, instead of feeling bad that I was frustrated, now I think it's a good thing.  I think I'm supposed to feel this way.  I'm supposed to be pissed off.  If I wasn't pissed off, I wouldn't push my students for change.  Is it fun to feel pissed off?  No, not really, but that feeling when combined with just a few energized student leaders leads the way to feeling passionate and motivated.  Gathering together other pissed off sorority & fraternity professionals can lead to collective action where we force the tough conversations to be had.  We've created this reality for ourselves.  It didn't just happen by accident.  So what are we going to do to change it?  We all have the responsibility to do it.  We can sit here and blame university administration, governing councils, or legislation, but in reality, it's our individual members that have the power.  

I don't have a lot of push or pull when it comes to changing the big picture of the fraternity and sorority world, but there are things that I can do here at the University of Tennessee.  And I'm accepting that responsibility with gusto.  I hope my students read this.  I hope they see that I'm pissed off and why.  And I hope that it pisses them off too.  Pisses them off to the point where they stop sitting back and just letting things happen as they always have.

So what are you gonna do?  Are you going to get pissed off?

The Bod Pod

Several women that serve on the board of directors for Girls on the Run with me were talking about the "bod pod" during a meeting we had the other week.  Color me intrigued.  Since losing 150+ pounds, I really had no idea what the make-up of my body was.  I had no idea what was fat, what was muscle, what was skin, etc., so when I heard about the bod pod, I definitely wanted to check it out.

The Bod Pod

This particular Bod Pod was at Eddie's Health Shoppe and at first I was a little sketched out, but when more than one woman told me that they had really benefitted from the experience, I figured it couldn't hurt to go through with the test.  As women, we focus so much on the number that shows up on the scale, or what size clothes we wear, and it can get really frustrating to feel like you're working so hard and nothing is changing.  What the Bod Pod does is measure the actual makeup of your body, so it goes beyond just your weight number and tells you what that number is made up of.  When I first walked in, I was a little intimidated.  I felt like I was getting ready to go off in a space ship or something.  But the tests were fairly simple and the whole thing lasted less than 3 minutes.  They ran a series of 3 tests, each one lasting around 40 seconds and I didn't really feel anything while sitting in the Bod Pod.  The technician described it to me as like being on an airplane with the air compression, but I think that airplanes are actually worse than this.  But of course, the test means nothing without understanding the numbers that come from the results, and that was the best part of this whole experience.  Eddie schedules around an hour to sit and talk through the numbers with you and make suggestions for nutrition and exercise, but he actually sat there and talked with me for almost an hour and half.  So here's what my numbers looked like -

When I first saw the weight number, I immediately did what all women do and was ashamed because I thought it was so high.  Society tells us that as women, what's acceptable is between 120-150 pounds, so of course 198 was way too high, never mind the fact that I've lost 150+ pounds (and yes, I've never actually admitted my starting weight to anyone publicly, but if you're smart enough and can do that math, I topped out at 350+ pounds). When the technician handed me the results, I was fully prepared for her to shame me with that high number, but was totally taken aback when she told me that my results were very good.  I'll explain.  If you look at the left hand column, you'll see that 26.6% of that 198 pounds is fat, while 73.4% is lean mass (which you can read is everything except the fat like muscle, bone, organs, etc.).  When Eddie came in and walked through the numbers with me, he says for my age and my height, I currently am in the top 12% of women for my lean mass percentage.  WHAT?!?!?!  I could barely wrap my head around it.  I kept going back to "but my weight is still so high" and he kept having to tell me that didn't matter, my weight was perfectly fine and that some of that weight is most likely the skin that is left over from my weight loss.

Then we took at look at my resting heart rate, which you can see circled in the bottom left hand corner.  I burn 1,802 calories just by sleeping and that doesn't take into account any exercise that I do.  Eddie explained that if I haven't been losing any additional weight (which I haven't for over the past year), that it's most likely because I'm not eating enough calories to counter the amount of calories that I'm burning, so my body is constantly holding on to whatever calories I have so that it doesn't go into starvation mode, especially now that I'm in training for the half marathon and am running longer and longer distances.

Who would have thought that I would be told that I'm not eating enough?  Of course, here's the thing.  That doesn't mean that I get to go back to eating double cheeseburgers and fries (damnit) and Eddie spent the rest of the session walking through exactly what my food intake should look like in order to reach a 16 week goal, which you can see in the top right hand corner of the second picture.  My goal is to lose an additional 14 pounds of fat and potentially 2 pounds of lean mass (which could just be skin or additional water) within 16 weeks.  If I'm able to achieve that goal, that will take me down to around 22% fat mass, which puts me in the "lean" category.  Again, WHAT?!?!  Never, ever, ever in my entire lifetime did I ever think that someone would describe me as lean.  Maybe not obese, but never lean.

Now the hard part begins.  Eddie spelled out a pretty specific diet for me, and I'm very slightly nervous in my ability to maintain it.  While obviously my eating hasn't been horrible as I have been able to lose weight, I've never really restricted myself or been super specific in what I was eating, I've just tried to be careful.  And the thing that scares me the most is that I'm starting this during my four busiest months, when I'm traveling a lot and am going to be in places and situations where I can't necessarily control what I'm eating.  And I actually have to learn how to meal prep.  I've always admired those people that do that, but now I actually have to figure out how to do it for myself.  And forget the random lunches out or the drinks after work.  But how awesome will it be if I can do this?  And especially because I would be ending the 16 weeks right around the time of the half marathon.  Just imagine what this could do for accomplishing that goal.

So I've planned out the next several days of meals, and after I publish this blog post I'm off to the grocery store to get started.  Wish me luck!

Does it ever get any easier?

It would not be a good day if the history of my Google searches was to ever be released to the public.  I tend to ask Google some interesting questions.  The other day I actually asked Google if running ever got any easier and the responses I got were encouraging.  Many of the articles that popped up stated, “Absolutely it will get easier!  Just keep going!”  Helpful, right?

Not really.  Even though the “experts” were telling me that running gets easier, I’m inclined to disagree with them. Sure, I’m not the most dedicated nor consistent runner, but I believe that I’ve run enough to be able to answer this question;

No, it doesn’t get any easier.  In fact, it gets harder.

Now before you go all, “stop being so negative Jennifer”, let me explain.  The running itself never changes. It gets harder because you place more responsibility and expectation on yourself.  You increase your mileage or your speed; you decide to take on bigger hills or interval running; that previous thought that a half-marathon would never be possible is now actually something that seems achievable.  What’s easy is giving up.  What’s easy is thinking, “Man, I’m so comfortable in my pajamas and it looks so hot outside, so I’m just going to stay here.”

I’m a little over a month into my half-marathon training journey and I’ve found it to be one of the most difficult things I’ve done for several reasons;

•           The schedule – Consistency is the king of training and following a set schedule is imperative.  It’s amazing how quickly you lose your ability to run just by missing a couple of your training days.  Anyone who has worked in student affairs knows that we don’t have a normal schedule, so trying to maintain a training schedule with my work schedule has been incredibly challenging. And the longer the long-runs get, the more time you have to dedicate to that run on that scheduled day.  My social calendar is now starting to revolve around my running schedule in my attempt to try and make sure I get the long run in (and that I made good choices the night before).  And thankfully the weather is starting to cool because having to get up at 7:00am on a Saturday to try and get the run in before the temperature heats up just flat out blows.  I'm jealous of the morning people who can get up at 5:00am and get their run in first thing.  I've tried to be that person.  Never gonna happen.
•        The diet – When I starting thinking about training I read a lot about how people would complain about gaining weight during training and that was mostly because the increased activity and mileage made people hungrier and they justified eating certain things with the increased mileage.  Those that know me know that’s the last thing in the world that I want, so I’ve been trying to be very diligent with my diet and eating things that will both fill me up and fuel me for runs.  Definitely a lot harder than you'd think. 
•       Balancing speed & distance:  As I run more often and more consistently, I have found myself being able run faster and longer.  However, those don’t go together very well.  The faster my pace, the shorter distance I can go.  And the longer I go, the slower pace I go.  I’m not doing this for a specific finish time, but it can be incredibly disheartening to look down and see that you’re actually decreasing in your pace time, no matter how often you tell yourself that time doesn’t matter, it’s the finishing that counts.

But here’s some good news.

No, it doesn’t get any easier, but you get stronger.

Physically and mentally you get stronger, but it’s been the mental strength that keeps me going.  When my legs are physically tired, it’s my mental strength that tells me, “it’s okay to walk for just a minute, but then you need to get running again”.  It’s my mental strength that says, “Yes, it sucks to go home after a 12-hour day and have to fit a run in, but you have to do it”.  Poor food choices will always be there, but by flexing my “willpower muscle”, I remind myself of why I need to make the better choice. 

Running is never going to get any easier, but I will continue to get stronger and that’s what matters in the end.